These days we are hearing more and more about how women have been treating badly and of course this is often a complaint or objection against Islam, that the Muslim women are treated badly, sometimes they are killed through ‘honour killing’ etc. But the actual teachings of Islam, paints a different picture. Islam teaches us that would should respect and treat women very well. I will turn to the example of the Holy Prophet Muhammad, may peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, to show his attitude towards wives and women, and this is the best example that we should all follow.
I will again relate more incidences from the book ‘Life of Muhammad’ by Hazrat Mirza Bashiruddin Mahmud Ahmad. I was very pleased that many of you took up the opportunity to receive a link to read this book, and I have decided to offer a link to another excellent book, this time it is ‘Ahmad, the Guided One’ by Mr Iain Adamson and is about the life of Hazrat Mirza Ghulam Ahmad, the Promised Messiah and Imam Mahdi.
If you would like to receive this book, please ask and I will gladly send it to you.
The Holy Prophet Muhammad, may peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, was extremely kind and fair towards his wives. If on occasion any one of them failed to behave herself with due deference towards him he merely smiled and passed the matter over. He said to his wife, Hazrat Ayesha, may Allah be pleased with her, one day: “Ayesha, whenever you are upset with me I always get to know it.” Hazrat Ayesha enquired: “How is that?” He said: “I have noticed that when you are pleased with me and in the course of conversation you have to refer to God, you refer to Him as the Lord of Muhammad. But if you are not pleased with me, you refer to Him as the Lord of Ibrahim.” At this Ayesha laughed and said he was right (Bukhari). Hazrat Khadija, may Allah be pleased with her, was his first wife and had made great sacrifices in his cause. She was much older than the Holy Prophet. After her death he married younger women, but never permitted the memory of Khadija to become dim. Whenever any of Khadija’s friends visited him he would stand up to receive her (Muslim). If he chanced to see any article that had belonged to or had been connected with Hazrat Khadija, he was always overcome by emotion.
Among the prisoners taken by the Muslims in the Battle of Badr was a son-in-law of the Prophet. He possessed nothing which he could offer as ransom. His wife Hazrat Zainab (the Holy Prophet’s daughter) sent to Medina a necklace which had belonged to her mother (Hazrat Khadija) and offered it as ransom for her husband. When the Holy Prophet saw the necklace he recognized it and was much affected. He said to his Companions: “I have no authority to give any direction in this matter, but I know that this necklace is cherished by Zainab as a last memento of her deceased mother and, provided it commends itself to you, I would suggest that she should not be deprived of it and it may be returned to her.” They intimated that nothing would give them greater pleasure and readily adopted his suggestion (Halbiyya, Vol. 2). He often praised Hazrat Khadija to his other wives and stressed her virtues and the sacrifices that she had made in the cause of Islam. On one such occasion Hazrat Ayesha was feeling resentment and said: “O Messenger of Allah, why go on talking of the old lady? God has bestowed better, younger and more attractive wives upon you.” The Holy Prophet was overcome by emotion at hearing this and protested: “O no, Ayesha! You have no idea how good Khadija was to me” (Bukhari).
The Holy Prophet, may peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, was very keen on improving the condition of women in society and on securing for them a position of dignity and fair and equitable treatment. Islam was the first religion which conferred upon women the right of inheritance. The Holy Qur’an makes daughters along with sons heirs to the property left by their parents. In the same way a mother is made an heir to her son’s or daughter’s property and a wife is made an heir to her husband’s property. When a brother becomes an heir of his deceased brother’s property a sister is also an heir to that property.
No religion before Islam had so clearly and firmly established a woman’s right of inheritance and her right to possess property. In Islam a woman is the absolute owner of her own property and her husband cannot obtain any control over it by virtue merely of their relationship. A woman is at full liberty to deal with her property as she chooses. The Holy Prophet was so careful with regard to the kind treatment of women that those around him who had not previously been accustomed to looking upon women in the light of helpmates and partners found it difficult to accommodate themselves to the standards that the Holy Prophet was anxious to see set up and maintained. Hazrat Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, who later became the second Khalifa of Islam, relates: “My wife occasionally sought to intervene in my affairs with her counsel and I would rebuke her, saying that the Arabs had never permitted their women to intervene in their affairs. She would retort: ‘That is all past. The Holy Prophet lets his wives counsel him in his affairs and he does not stop them. Why don’t you follow his example?’ My reply used to be: As for Ayesha the Holy Prophet is particularly fond of her but as regards your daughter (Hafsa), if she does this she will one day have to suffer the consequences of her impertinence.’ It so happened that thereafter on one occasion the Holy Prophet, being upset over something, decided to spend a period of time apart from his wives. When I learnt of this I said to my wife, What I had feared had come to pass. Then I went to the house of my daughter Hafsa and found her crying. I inquired of her what the matter was and whether the Holy Prophet had divorced her. She said: ‘I don’t know about divorce, but the Holy Prophet has decided to remain away from us for some time.’ I said to her: ‘Did I not often tell you not to take the same liberties with him as Ayesha does, for the Holy Prophet is particularly fond of Ayesha, but you seem to have brought upon yourself what I had feared.‘ I then went to the Holy Prophet and found him lying down on a rough matting. He was at that time wearing no shirt and his body bore the marks of the pattern of the matting. I sat down near him and said: ‘O Messenger of Allah! the Kaiser and the Chosroes do not deserve any of God’s favours and yet they pass their lives in great comfort and you who are His Messenger pass your days in such discomfort.’ The Holy Prophet replied: ‘That is not so. The Messengers of Allah are not expected to spend their time in comfort. That kind of life befits only secular monarchs.’ I then related to the Holy Prophet all that had passed between me and my wife and daughter. Hearing me, the Holy Prophet laughed and said: ‘It is not true that I have divorced my wives. I have merely thought it advisable to spend a little time away from them’ “ (Bukhari).
He was so careful concerning the sentiments of women that on one occasion when he was leading the prayers he heard the cry of a child and concluded the service quickly, explaining thereafter that as he had heard the cry of the child he imagined that the child’s mother would be distressed at its cry and he had therefore concluded the service quickly so that the mother could go to the child and look after it. When during any of his journeys women were also among the party he always gave directions that the caravan should move slowly and by easy stages. On one such occasion when the men were eager to push forward, he said: “Take care of glass! Take care of glass!” meaning thereby that women were of the party and that if camels and horses were put to the gallop they would suffer from the jolting of the animals (Bukhari). During a battle confusion arose among the ranks of the mounted soldiers and the animals became unmanageable. The Holy Prophet fell from his horse and some of the women also fell from their mounts. One of his Companions, who was riding a camel immediately behind the Holy Prophet jumped down and ran towards him crying: “May I be your sacrifice, O Messenger of Allah.” The Holy Prophet’s foot was still in the stirrup. He released it hastily and said to his Companion: “Don’t bother about me, go and help the women.” Just before his death one of the injunctions he addressed to Muslims and laid stress upon was that they should always treat women with kindness and consideration. It was an oft repeated saying of his that ‘if a man had daughters and he arranged to have them educated and took pains with their upbringing, God would save him from the torment of Hell’ (Tirmidhi).
It was a common practice with the Arabs to inflict physical chastisement upon women for every little fault. The Holy Prophet taught that women were equally with men the creatures of God and were not the slaves of men and should not be beaten. When women got to know of this they went to the other extreme and began to oppose men in everything, with the result that in many homes domestic peace was continually disturbed. Hazrat Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, complained of this to the Holy Prophet and said that unless women could on occasion be chastised they would become unruly and there would be no holding them in check. As detailed Islamic teachings with regard to the treatment of women had not yet been revealed, the Holy Prophet said that if a woman was guilty of serious transgression she might be chastised. This in its turn led the men in many cases to revert to the old Arab practice. It was now the turn of the women to complain and they laid their grievances before the Holy Prophet’s wives. Thereupon, the Holy Prophet admonished men and told them that those who treated women with unkindness could never win the favour of God. Thereafter the rights of women were established, and for the first time women began to be treated as free individuals in their own right (Abu Dawud). Mu‘awiya al-Qushairi relates: “I inquired of the Holy Prophet what claim my wife had upon me,” and he replied: “Feed her with that which God bestows upon you in the way of food, and clothe her with that which God bestows upon you in the way of clothes and do not chastise her nor abuse her nor put her out of your house.”
He was so careful of the feelings and sentiments of women that he always exhorted those who had to go upon a journey to finish their errands quickly and return home as soon as possible so that their wives and children should not suffer separation longer than was necessary. Whenever he returned from a journey he always came home during the day-time. If he found night approaching towards the end of his journey, he would camp outside Medina for the night and enter it next morning. He also told his Companions that when they returned from a journey they should not come home suddenly without notice of their return (Bukhari and Muslim). In giving this direction he had in mind the fact that the relations between the sexes are largely governed by sentiment. In the absence of the husband a wife may often neglect the care of her body and of her dress and if the husband were to return home unexpectedly the finer sentiments of the wife or the husband might be upset. By giving the direction that when a man returns from a journey he should contrive to arrive home during the day-time and after intimation to the members of his family of his return, he ensured that the members of his family would be ready to receive the returning member in a befitting manner.
From these passages, we can see that the Holy Prophet, may peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, showed through his own example how we should conduct ourselves with our wives and other women. Anyone going against this, is going against the beautiful teachings of Islam. The idea of ‘honour killing’ has nothing to do with the teachings of Islam and is instead a custom which have crept into Islam.
I will leave you with a portion from the book ‘Ahmad, the Guided One’ which I am offering to you to read:
Hazrat Mirza Ghulam Ahmad, may peace be upon him, instilled in his children great respect and love for their mother, recalling the saying of the Holy Prophet that ‘paradise lay under the feet of your mothers’. Once when his wife and her mother had a disagreement and were both in tears, he took his wife and led her in front of her mother where she bowed her head. Her mother immediately raised her daughter’s head and embraced her. All annoyance was gone. Without saying a word, Hazrat Ahmad left the room and went upstairs.
Hazrat Ahmad was exceedingly conscious of his duty as a husband. He told his followers, “Your wives are the first witnesses of your moral and spiritual calibre and your relationship between you and God. A man who is not honourable and kind to his wife, how can he possibly be good to other people? You must first of all be good to your wives.”
And to a friend whose wife had died he wrote with feeling, “Marriage is such a bond of human relationship that one is unable to be away from one’s wife for more than a few weeks. Husband and wife are so much together, share so much of each other, that they become part of each other. With the blessings of marital relationship, worldly worries and trials are forgotten. The impressions and memories of marriage are so deep that, when one’s wife dies, one cannot remember this relationship without tears. God has reminded is constantly about this mutual love and loyalty in marriage. It is the fountainhead of all human relationships.”